Not a Hell Yes is a Hell No

Are you living a life that makes you happy? When you look back on the blog or even tune into the pod, that’s one of the underlying themes present.

The closer to 31 I get, the more in tune I am with myself and living a happy, authentic life. And that’s the kind of thing I want to share with you all.

Today I wanted to touch on a mantra we should incorporate into every facet of our life: if it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a hell no. 

I dived into that as well as a few other subjects with my girl, Miss Lina Jean on the pod this week… in case you don’t feel like reading.

But if you’re feeling literary, let’s jump on in!

Paulina, also known as Miss Lena Jean is someone I admire and adore dearly. We went to school together and even partook in Girl Scouts together. 

Paulina is a multi-faceted, dynamic, and inspiring mixture of everything wonderful in this world. If you were to ask her to describe herself, she would say she has so many interests and hardly any of them are remotely related.

“I’m pansexual, which means I’m attracted to people from all over the gender spectrum…So even though I’ve only ever dated men, I honestly thought I’d end up with a woman. For me, building relationships with men always inevitably became about gender roles. I am NOT here for gender roles. I dated a handful of people throughout my life with nothing ever getting past the first big hurdles that relationships reach. But then. The most BEAUTIFUL human walked into my cafe.”


While we both share relatively similar ideologies about sex and dating, what made our collab episode so unique is that we are in two different spaces with said philosophy.

Paulina is head over heels about Tyler, a former barista who applied to work at the same cafe as her. Their story is truly adorbs and reminiscent of one that you would see on Hallmark. Much to the dismay of those telling her to settle, she didn’t and she’s been happily dating for 5+ years.

Meanwhile, you have me – someone recently single and just having fun, taking life one day at a time while trying to not swipe right on any crazies.

What we both share is that neither of us was the type that sought out love. We believed in living our best life, chasing our dreams, and being open to something if it happened organically. And that’s something that isn’t talked about enough these days

Too often you have people settling for mediocre and not just in relationships, but jobs, friendships, and experiences. 

Life is so short, and we need to stop accepting the bare minimum. 

Perfect (or our definition of it) exists, so quit accepting otherwise.

If I stayed at my first job, I would have shit benefits, still be making $13 an hour, while living in a somewhat shit apartment.

If I stayed in half of my now over relationships, I would allow myself to be mansplained and gaslit on the reg. Not to mention, stunting my personal growth and development.

If I maintained every “friendship” I would still be talking to people that only talked to me when it was time to bring gifts to their birthday, wedding, or baby shower..but silent all other times of the year. Meanwhile, these very people couldn’t be bothered to donate $5 to the philanthropic causes you were fundraising for.

I say all of this to say, if you accept the bare minimum and let people disrespect you – they will. And you deserve better than that. 

To get the full experience of our conversation, hit play on the podcast…because the truth is, the blog would go on forever. So let’s end with a few points:

  • The same red flags you ignore in the beginning will be the ones to end things in the end. See the good in everyone, but not at the cost of your time or sanity
  • Settling is boring, but if you don’t love yourself enough – go for it
  • A Hot & Cold “love” isn’t love. It’s being available to someone who isn’t available to you. Sounds draining…couldn’t be me.
  • Do not go into a casual situation expecting love or anything serious. It can happen, but usually, it doesn’t.

So what about you? What are your thoughts on relationships? Any non-negotiables? 

For easy reference, hear more from us on Apple Podcast and Spotify!

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