The Girl in Gucci Glasses

Grab the girls and your Cosmo’s because Sex and the City is back, baby!

And while my enthusiasm was low, as there is no SATC without Kim Cattrall, I was still hopeful that the reboot would be decent.

On that note, let’s clear the air right now and say: Kim owes us nothing. She does not need to come back to a show because of fans, writers, or castmates. No means no. So let’s accept that and stop badgering her. If any of what we have seen in the press is true about why she’s not coming back – ever, who can blame her?

Let’s address how my already minuscule hope for a decent show went down the drain within ten minutes of watching episode one.

In fact, I still haven’t finished the first episode. It was THAT bad.

I mean, has anyone taken the time to properly address, or rather, find out the reason for the awkward and cringeworthy dialog?

No, seriously.

It’s like the characters were stuck in a time capsule and came out decades later. 

There’s a smidge of hope and a nod to the original series, when the ladies are talking and laughing at what I can assume is brunch. Miranda talks about stepping on her son’s condom. Carrie hits us with a classic zinger, and Charlotte gasps. The conversation feels light and like we are back in the old days…minus a classic Carrie voiceover.

Moments after, Charlotte returns home with her Oscar de la Renta goodies in hand. But not before her daughter hits us with some awkward “and you rescued me too” dialog. I can’t even put that awkwardness into words – so just watch.

But it doesn’t stop there.

Let’s not even discuss Carrie’s self-love commentary…seriously girl, you’re in your fifties and you haven’t pleasured yourself?! No wonder you’re a stick in the mud and so judgemental. 

Samantha literally brought Sex to the City in all regards. She knew how to have fun, and had relatable storylines. Not to mention, she had no shame for anything. She was the definition of live, learn, and thrive. The other characters could take a page from her book.

There are more cringe-worthy parts worth mentioning in this show, like the braids moment between Miranda and her professor…which is just so much OOMPH…but I’ll hold off for now. 

Truly, I feel like I’m hate-watching at this point.

Please tell me I’m not the only one disappointed by this sham of a reboot. This is one show that could have stayed just an idea in the board room at HBO Max. I should have known not to expect much from a platform that crashes when you rewind.