Did I anticipate writing this post after a year of being a bad bitch?
But here we are.
My goofy ass did it.
I answered one of my exes messages and guess what?
Ya girl is now back to where she was a year ago: confused, seeing stars, and mad. All at once.
But I did it to myself. You know why? Because I broke my number one rule and believed that this individual had changed based on words, not actions.
When someone shows us who they are, it’s up to us to believe them.
Yet as women we are taught to forgive, give chances and see the good. And that’s just the beginning. Let’s not forget being told that if a boy is mean to you, it’s because he likes you.
What kind of fucked up shit is that?
After opening the door to someone who never deserved to be in my life in the first place, let me tell you something. Maybe a few something’s:
- If you have to question where you stand in someone’s life, stop standing and start fucking walking. You deserve better.
- You’re not a dog. Do not beg for anything, but especially love.
- You should not have to tell someone how to treat you. A genuinely good person knows to be good and treat you good. It’s that simple.
- The best apology is changed behavior. Words are cheap.
- Stop romanticizing a shit human being just because you had a few good memories.
- Someone that loves you, or even just cares about you, will never send you to bed crying.
- How they treat their parents or loved ones is a good indicator of how they will treat you.
- Don’t sleep with your ex. There’s plenty of dick in the sea. Don’t go back to a toxic one.
- Sometimes we say the best sex we had is with a toxic lover, simply because it was the only form of intimacy they gave us.
I’m a smart girl. I have a great career, a swanky apartment, a MA degree. On paper, my life is rad. Yet I made a mistake. One that I didn’t anticipate making in my thirties. But you know what? I’m human.
I’ve always subscribed to the philosophy that when someone fucks up, forgive them…and forget them. But I’m only human. And I won’t beat myself up over that. Because when all is said and done, I can honestly say, I gave everything and everyone my absolute best. Even if they didn’t deserve it. If there is one thing I won’t do, it’s go to bed with regrets.
A few weeks ago, something happened. I felt like the universe was telling me – showing me how short life was. And as a result I decided to give someone a second shot in my life. I wasn’t even aiming for a relationship after our last failed attempt. I just wanted to be there for this person who was struggling and see what would happen.
So now, when I feel like I miss this person, I list the reasons the relationship failed in the first place.
While resuming communication wasn’t the wisest choice, it was one I don’t regret.
Will I do it again?
But I sure as fuck hope not. I deserve better. We all deserve better.
And if you’re going through something similar, just know: sometimes things workout with a second chance. So don’t be jaded. But at the same time, realize that is not a common reality, so be careful.
Why do we all have that one person who makes us throw caution to the wind, and common sense out the window?