Dating in your thirties is a vibe—until you’re stuck with someone who can’t decide if they’re into you or not. We’ve all been there: one minute they’re texting you like they’re obsessed, the next they’re ghosting you. Inconsistency? No, thanks. Here’s why that’s a red flag and how to stop settling for anyone who’s not bringing their A-game.

What Does Inconsistent Behavior REALLY Mean?

Inconsistency in dating is like emotional whiplash. They act hot and cold, promise you the world, then leave you hanging. Sound familiar? Yeah, it sucks.

But here’s the thing: inconsistency is usually a sign that your partner doesn’t know what they want. Maybe they’re overwhelmed. Maybe they’re just playing games. But guess what? That’s not your problem. You deserve someone who shows up, every damn time.

Red Flags of Inconsistency You Shouldn’t Ignore:

1. Mixed Signals: One day they’re all in. The next, they’re radio silent. If you’re always wondering where you stand, that’s a problem. Stop standing, and start walking.
2. Ghosting or Slow Replies: Are you chasing texts like it’s a damn scavenger hunt? If you’re always the one texting first, it’s not you, it’s them.
3. Emotional Whiplash: They’re lovey-dovey one minute, distant the next. It’s like you’re dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Not cute. Scary. Tiring. Next!
4. Commitment Phobic: If they can’t define the relationship or make plans, they’re probably just not that into you. Save your energy.
5. Unreliable Actions: If their words don’t match their actions, ditch ‘em. Promises are meant to be kept.

“If It’s Not a Hell Yes, It’s a Hell No” (Real Talk)

If you’re constantly questioning whether you matter to your partner, it’s time to rethink things. People who care about you show it. They don’t leave you hanging or wondering if you’re “just friends.”

I had a guy once who couldn’t decide if he was into me or not. His texts were so sporadic. After a few weeks of playing this back-and-forth game, I dipped. No one is too busy for the person they really want. 

Why Having Standards Isn’t Asking for Too Much:

Let’s clear this up: having standards isn’t “high maintenance,” it’s self-respect. Expecting consistency isn’t a luxury, it’s basic.

• Self-Respect: You’re not asking for the moon, just a little consistency. Your happiness isn’t negotiable.
• Emotional Health: Inconsistent behavior = anxiety and self-doubt. You deserve emotional peace, not a mental gymnastics workout.
• Growth: Healthy relationships need stability to thrive. Set boundaries, and watch your relationship grow—if it’s meant to.

When to Cut Your Losses

Here’s the thing: If you feel more confused than not, it’s time to walk away. Love shouldn’t be a guessing game. It should make you feel seen, valued, and safe.

If your heart isn’t doing backflips when you think about the person you’re dating, it’s time to move on. Life’s too short for lukewarm. You deserve the full enchilada—someone who’s excited to love you, not just contemplate if they’re into you.

Stop settling for “maybe” when you could have “hell yes.” You deserve a partner who’s 100% sure. Period.

Dating isn’t just about finding someone to Netflix and chill with—it’s about finding your person, the one who laughs at your jokes, shares your weirdest opinions, and knows pineapple on pizza is a vibe.

Remember: you’re worthy of real love. Now go get it.