We’ve all heard about quiet quitting at work—where employees do the bare minimum, emotionally check out, and bide their time before moving on. But what happens when someone starts quiet quitting… you?

Spoiler alert: it hurts.

I’ve been there. With someone I thought I was building something with—until the subtle signs became a full-blown wake-up call. They started picking fights over literally nothing (“Why didn’t you answer my text within 15 minutes?”), showed up less and less, barely responded to messages, and then—boom—they were in a new relationship before I even had time to process the breakup that never really happened.

So how do you know if your partner is quietly backing out of the relationship? Let me break it down.

1. Communication Fizzles—Fast
   • One of the first red flags is dwindling communication. You used to get good morning texts and random memes. Now? You’re lucky if they reply to a direct question. When someone’s no longer emotionally invested, their effort matches their energy: low and nearly nonexistent. If texts go from paragraphs to emojis to radio silence, it’s not just “being busy.” It’s pulling away.
2. They Pick Fights Over Nothing
   • This one hit me hard. My ex started arguing over ridiculous things. One day it was my tone, the next it was me not laughing at their joke. What I didn’t realize at the time? They were creating emotional distance by sabotaging the peace we had. Picking fights was their way of validating their own detachment. If they could make me feel like the problem, leaving felt justified.
3. They’re Suddenly “Too Busy”
   • We’re all busy. But when someone wants to see you, they make time—even if it’s just a 5-minute FaceTime before bed. If your partner is suddenly too busy to hang out, call, or even check in, take it for what it is: they’re deprioritizing you. This doesn’t mean you’re not valuable—it means they’re making an exit, quietly.
4. They Seem Checked Out—But Still Physically Present
   • Sometimes, someone will still show up, but feel miles away. Conversations get shallow. There’s less affection. You sense a wall that wasn’t there before. When someone’s emotionally gone, their presence starts to feel like a ghost version of who they used to be. That disconnect? It’s them inching toward the door.
5. They Jump Into Another Relationship Immediately
   • This one stings the most. Quiet quitters often don’t fully leave until there’s something—or someone—else lined up. When my ex jumped into a new relationship immediately, I realized I’d been emotionally ghosted long before they physically left. Some call it a “soft launch breakup”—others call it a narcissistic trait.

So… Was My Ex a Narcissist?

Not diagnosing anyone, but here’s the thing: many of the behaviors that show up in quiet quitting mimic patterns seen in narcissists. They love-bomb early, pull away when they’re bored or insecure, and often discard people once the attention stops fueling their ego. They avoid accountability by painting you as the problem and keep their image intact by making the breakup seem mutual—or your fault.

If your partner’s behavior starts to feel more about control, manipulation, or avoidance rather than love, trust that gut feeling. Narcissistic traits thrive in confusion. If you’re constantly questioning where you stand, it might be because they want you to question it.

Choose Yourself

Love should feel like a safe space, not a guessing game.

If you’re reading this and realizing you’re on the receiving end of a slow fade, let me remind you: you deserve clarity, not crumbs. If they’re not showing up for you, emotionally or otherwise, it’s okay to close the door they’re too cowardly to walk through.

You are not too much. You are not hard to love. You’re just asking the wrong person to show up.