If you’re stuck in a “long-term” relationship where commitment is never on the table, you’re not in love—you’re in limbo. Time to stop pretending it’s anything else. So, let’s cut the nonsense. When someone isn’t serious about you, they will absolutely string you along. It’s not a maybe, it’s a guarantee. If you’re stuck in some never-ending “long-term” situation with a partner who hasn’t committed, hasn’t changed, and isn’t even talking about the future, congratulations—you’re just a placeholder. I’m looking at you, nine-year dating relationships that go nowhere. Your youth is precious, so stop wasting it on people who don’t deserve it.

I get it, you’ve been with them forever, so breaking up seems like a big deal. But here’s the thing: a decade-long relationship with someone who’s not serious is a complete waste of your time, energy, and emotional bandwidth. You don’t need to keep trying to make it work, and here’s why you need to stop pretending you do.

The “Long-Term” Relationship Illusion

Somewhere along the way, you convinced yourself that if you’re with someone for years, it has to mean something. Wrong. Just because you’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time together doesn’t mean you’re building anything real. All it means is that you’ve wasted precious time on someone who doesn’t want the same things as you.

Case in point: you’ve been “dating” for 9 years, and the idea of getting married or having kids is still a maybe in their mind. You’ve probably heard the “I’m not ready” excuse for years, or worse, the “I don’t believe in marriage” line. Newsflash: If they were serious about you, they’d be planning a future with you. The fact that they’re stringing you along should be a glaring red flag.

Let’s talk about why that nine-year relationship isn’t just stale, it’s a straight-up waste of your youth.

Why Staying in a Long-Term Relationship with Someone Who’s Not Serious is a Bad Idea

1. You’re Stuck in a Loop
   You know exactly what’s coming every day: the same fights, the same unfulfilled promises, and the same excuses. Yet, for some reason, you’re still sticking around. Why? Because they’ve trained you to believe that all you need is patience. Patience for what, exactly? More of your best years wasted? Nope.
2. Your Value Gets Diminished
   A serious partner will treat you like their future, not a backup plan. If you’re still with someone who can’t give you the commitment or clarity you deserve, you’re basically telling yourself you don’t deserve more. It’s a toxic cycle where you’re undervaluing your own worth and investing in someone who isn’t even on the same page.
3. You’re Wasting the Best Years of Your Life
   You’re young, vibrant, and full of potential. Realistically, you’ll probably never be as hot as you are now. But if you’re in a long-term relationship with someone who doesn’t even have a clue about what they want, you’re draining your most valuable resource—time. If you spend the next 5 or 10 years waiting for someone to figure themselves out, how much of your life are you willing to throw away?
4. They’re Just Keeping You Around for Convenience
   If someone’s stringing you along with zero intention of ever settling down, it’s because you’re convenient. They like the emotional safety net you provide but aren’t willing to put in the work to make it official. The longer you stick around, the less likely they’ll ever make a commitment, because you’re already doing the emotional heavy lifting for them.
5. Fear of Change is Paralyzing You
   It’s easy to stay in something that’s familiar. Even if it’s not perfect, it feels “safe.” But that comfort zone is a trap. If you’re with someone who can’t make up their damn mind about the future, it’s because they’re not ready for the change a real relationship would bring. And you? You’re just stuck waiting for them to catch up. Don’t waste your time.

Tips for Getting Out of a Long-Term Relationship with Someone Who’s Not Serious

1. Stop Settling for Empty Words
   If your partner can’t back up their promises with actions, don’t wait for them to change. Actions speak louder than words, and if they’ve been all talk and no follow-through, it’s time to walk.
2. Recognize Your Own Worth
   You’re not here to play second string or hold someone’s hand while they figure out what they want. Recognize that you’re worth more than empty excuses and vague commitments. Don’t let someone’s indecisiveness define your value.
3. Set a Hard Deadline
   Give yourself a timeline. Tell yourself: “If we’re not taking the next step by X date, I’m done.” If they can’t commit by then, it’s time to make the hard call. No more dragging this out.
4. Stop Being Afraid of Change
   Change is scary, but so is wasting years of your life with someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Breakups are hard, but staying in a limbo relationship is worse. You’ll regret wasting that time more than you’ll regret the breakup.
5. Trust Your Gut
   Your instincts know the truth. If you feel like you’re being strung along, it’s because you are. Trust yourself enough to take action. Your gut is rarely wrong.
6. Focus on Yourself
   Take that energy you’re spending on waiting and put it back into you. Travel, focus on your career, pick up a new hobby—whatever it is, make sure you’re living your best life without someone else’s indecision holding you back.
7. Don’t Fall for “We’re Perfect Together”
   The longer you stay with someone who’s not serious, the more you start rationalizing your shit situation. They’re going to tell you how “perfect” you are together. But let’s be real: perfection doesn’t come with strings attached. If they’re not willing to commit, you’re not perfect together—you’re just convenient.

The Harsh Truth You Need to Hear: Stop Wasting Your Time on Someone Who Can’t Commit

When your partner finally finds the person they actually want to be with, they’ll move mountains for them. They’ll do all the things they couldn’t be bothered to do with you—marriage, kids, future planning—and they’ll do it with someone else. It’s a harsh reality, but when someone truly wants to be with you, they don’t drag their feet. They find a way. If they’re constantly finding excuses, that’s your answer right there. They’re just not serious about you. So, stop wasting your time waiting for someone to figure it out—because when someone is really ready to commit, they do it. The rest? Just excuses.