There’s a certain type of person who won’t break up with you directly. Instead, they push you into doing it for them. They start picking weird fights, pulling back affection, and treating you like a chore they keep forgetting to do. Somehow you end up feeling like you’re the problem, when really, you’re watching them slowly make their exit.

If this sounds familiar, you’re probably in the pre-breakup phase, often called the soft-launch breakup. It’s when someone starts acting cold or irritated, not because you’ve done something wrong, but because they’re preparing to move on. They don’t want to deal with the discomfort of a real conversation, so they act out until you’re exhausted enough to end it yourself.

Let me give you the short version of my own experience. I was seeing someone I’ll call Con. Think: lots of love bombing, disappearing acts, and dramatic comebacks. They’d pick fights over tiny things, then vanish to party or gamble, only to reappear right when I was finally calming down. It was a pattern I ignored for way too long.

The turning point was a birthday trip where they were irritated the entire time. Passive-aggressive comments, silent treatment, forced smiles. It hit me that they wanted me to do the breakup for them… again. So I did. As soon as we got home, I blocked them on everything. No dramatic goodbye. No long text. Just a clean exit. Once you realize someone is being mean on purpose, not in a moment of frustration but as a tactic, the only real option is to cut access.

People who behave this way aren’t acting on accident. It’s calculated. It’s emotional avoidance dressed up as “stress” or “bad timing.” And often, they want to leave while still painting you as the unstable one.

So what do you do when you realize you’re being replaced?

Here’s a simple, no-pressure guide to getting your power back:

1. Stop taking the bait
They want a fight they can blame you for. Don’t give it to them. Staying calm keeps the control in your hands.

2. Pay attention to the pattern
If the same situations keep repeating, write it down. Seeing it clearly makes it easier to accept what’s happening.

3. Don’t try to fix it
You can’t fix a situation someone is intentionally unraveling. This isn’t miscommunication. It’s behavior.

4. Block with confidence
Protecting your peace isn’t petty. Quiet distance is its own kind of closure.

5. Don’t second-guess yourself
Even if they pop back up later with a “Hope you’re well,” you don’t owe them anything. Let them stay in your past.

Cut ties, take control, and move forward

Sadly, someone who plans to replace you usually gets mean first. Not because you’re difficult, but because it makes leaving easier for them. You don’t need to wait for a clean explanation or a moral wrap-up. Recognize the signs and walk.

While they’re busy avoiding responsibility, you get to rebuild your life with someone who shows up emotionally and consistently.

And Con? If they ever reach out again, I won’t be there. And if you’re dealing with your own version of Con, you don’t need to be there either.