Somewhere along the way, asking for financial stability in a partner started getting labeled as shallow. Suddenly, if you didn’t want to split rent five ways or build your life on vibes alone, you were labeled a villain. But here’s the thing: wanting a partner who’s financially stable isn’t greedy. It’s smart. And honestly, it’s necessary.

We’ve all seen it. The rising trend of broke boy propaganda in movies and on social media. The whole “we’re cute, in love, and can’t afford furniture” thing. And listen, when you’re 23 and everything’s ramen and big dreams, sure, there’s a certain je ne sais quoi to it. But fast forward a decade or so, and that same energy starts feeling less romantic and more like a red flag.

Wanting more for your life doesn’t make you a dick. It doesn’t mean you only care about money. It means you understand that love alone doesn’t pay for childcare, groceries, healthcare, or rent that goes up every year while your paycheck might not.

We have to stop pretending that financial compatibility isn’t a thing. It is. And it matters.

Love Doesn’t Cancel Out Life

You can marry for love and still expect a certain level of stability. Those things aren’t opposites. In fact, they should go hand in hand. If you’re building a life with someone, especially if kids are going to one day be involved, then money is not a “nice to have,” but a must.

I grew up in a two-parent home. My mom stayed home with me, made the house a home, volunteered, showed up to PTA meetings, and gave me a life filled with attention, stability, and structure. That wasn’t an accident, it was made possible because my parents could afford to live that way.

Now, I’m not saying your partner needs to have a yacht or pull diamonds from the Van Cleef vault on date night. I’m saying they should be able to contribute to a life that doesn’t feel like constant survival. Struggling long-term isn’t romantic. It’s exhausting. And it takes a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health.

You’re Not Asking for Too Much

There’s this subtle shame being pushed lately, especially at women, that expecting financial stability means you’re “too picky” or “not supportive enough.” That if you don’t want to build with someone from scratch, with no plan, no savings, no vision…somehow you’re shallow.

But here’s the thing: most of us aren’t expecting a perfect life handed to us. We’re just saying, “I don’t want to parent my partner.” There’s a huge difference between building with someone and carrying someone. And you shouldn’t feel guilty for knowing the difference.

It’s not about money being everything. It’s about partnership. It’s about choosing someone whose idea of “working toward a future” aligns with yours. Not someone who thinks being cute and in love is enough to get through the next 40 years.

Struggle Love Is Not the Goal

There’s a weird pressure to normalize “struggle love.” Like if you’re not willing to suffer for the story, you don’t deserve the happy ending. But struggling together isn’t a love language. And being in your mid-30s, splitting haircuts and praying the light bill gets paid, isn’t a vibe, it’s a cry for reassessment.

Wanting someone who’s financially stable, emotionally mature, and actually has a plan isn’t asking for too much. It’s literally the bare minimum if you’re building a real life with someone.

And if you’ve ever been made to feel guilty for wanting that, this is your reminder: you can do bad all by yourself. If you’re inviting someone into your life, into your future, into your family, you owe it to yourself to not settle for potential without progress.