I want to have a direct conversation about something that continues to happen in far too many professional spaces, often under the guise of “diversity and inclusion.”

It’s when a hiring manager, executive, or team leader says something like:

• “We brought you in because we needed more women in leadership.”
• “It’s great to finally have a person of color on the team.”
• “We’ve been trying to be more diverse, so this is perfect.”

Now, I get the intention. Maybe…

But truthfully, these are not compliments.

What That Actually Means

When someone says something like, “We gave you this opportunity because you’re [insert whatever identity you want right here],” they might think they’re being transparent or supportive. But what they’re actually doing is implying:

• You didn’t really earn it.
• You wouldn’t be here if they didn’t need to check a box.
• Your value is rooted in your identity, and not your qualifications, experience, or capability.

That kind of framing is reductive. It minimizes real talent and hard-earned accomplishments. And while it might sound like “inclusion,” it often lands as something else entirely: tokenism.

When “Inclusion” Feels Like a Favor

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: when inclusion is presented as a favor, it’s not really inclusion. It’s just optics.

Hiring someone from an underrepresented background should never come with a side of guilt-tripping or implied gratitude. Yet far too often, there’s an unspoken, or sometimes very spoken expectation that we should be thankful just to be in the room.

That mindset not only undermines the individual, it exposes how shallow the company’s understanding of equity really is.

It’s Not About Being “Given” a Chance

No decent person wants to feel like they’re only in the room because someone needed to meet a quota.

We want to be recognized for our work, our ideas, our leadership, our contributions, not just our demographic.

When companies reduce a hiring decision to “we only needed diversity,” they’re centering themselves, not the person they hired. It’s less about creating space and more about broadcasting that they did the “right” thing.

It’s performative.

I Said What I Said: Performative DEI Is Not Progress

DEI only works when it’s rooted in respect, not guilt. In equity, not ego. If a company wants to be inclusive, it has to go beyond the language of diversity and into the practice of valuing people for the full scope of what they bring to the table.

That means:

• Recognizing skill, not just identity.
• Listening to perspectives, not just highlighting them on your website.
• Supporting careers, not just onboarding resumes for PR.

If diversity is only happening at the hiring stage and not in promotion, mentorship, or leadership, then it’s not diversity.

So What Should Leaders Actually Say?

There’s a big difference between saying:

“We hired you because you’re a person of color.”
…and saying:
“We’re committed to building a team that reflects a range of perspectives and experiences, and your background, expertise, and leadership really stood out.”

One minimizes.
The other acknowledges.

One centers the company’s need.
The other honors the person’s value.

Language matters, not because we’re being overly sensitive, but because words often reveal the real beliefs behind them.

Stop framing inclusion as an act of generosity.

If someone is in the room, let it be because they deserve to be there. And definitely don’t hold it over their head.