If you’re stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship, you’re just wasting time. It’s one of the dumbest things you can do, especially in your twenties, and anyone who’s been there knows it’s emotionally draining, exhausting, and ultimately, pathetic.

I was thinking about this after hearing my younger brother was back to sneaking around with his on-again, off-again girlfriend, and honestly, it just made me feel sad. Not just for him, but for the sheer lack of self-respect people have when they keep choosing the same nonsense over and over again. There’s a whole world of people out there to meet, and yet so many stick to the drama because they’re too scared to move on.

I had one relationship like that, and I’ll never go back. Once you see through the nonsense and break the trauma bond, you realize it’s not love, it’s a weak, desperate game of emotional manipulation and insecurity.

Here’s Why the Break-Up/Make-Up Cycle is Doing You More Harm Than Good:

1. It’s a Waste of Your Time and Energy

You can’t get time back, and the older you get, the quicker you realize it. How much more are you going to invest in someone who doesn’t know if they want you? A week, a month, a year? Are you seriously going to waste your best years waiting for someone who can’t make up their damn mind? Grow up. Go out there and start living. Start building something meaningful, whether it’s your career, your friendships, or meeting people who actually add value to your life. Not someone who leaves you hanging all the time.

2. You’re Not Building Anything Real

This isn’t love; it’s emotional chaos. When a relationship constantly breaks and rebuilds, you’re not growing, you’re treading water. You can’t trust the foundation because there isn’t one. You’re left questioning whether they’re with you out of genuine care or just a fear of being alone. That’s not connection, it’s codependency. If it feels like you’re always starting over, it’s not a relationship, it’s a loop. Real love moves forward. It builds. It doesn’t keep resetting just to survive.

3. You’re Scared of the Unknown, and That’s Pathetic

You’re choosing familiarity over growth, and that’s weak. You’re sticking to someone because you’re scared of being alone, scared of starting fresh with someone new, scared to move on. You know what that gets you? Nothing. You stay in the same toxic loop while the world keeps moving. There’s a whole ocean of people out there, and you’re drowning in the same shallow puddle. Stop pretending you can fix someone who doesn’t know what they want. It’s pathetic.

4. It’s a Sign of Weakness, Not Passion

Every time you break up and then crawl back, you’re proving how little respect you have for yourself. You’re proving that you don’t have the strength to walk away. And guess what? It’s not romantic. It’s just sad. Confidence comes from knowing when to say enough is enough, not sticking around hoping they’ll change. If they haven’t figured it out by now, they won’t. Move on. Period.

5. You’re Emotionally Drained and You Don’t Even Realize It

The emotional rollercoaster of breaking up and getting back together takes a bigger toll on you than you think. You think you’re fine, but all the ups and downs are making you anxious, paranoid, and mentally exhausted. You’re constantly questioning your worth, doubting your feelings, second-guessing everything. That’s not love, that’s emotional warfare. And you’ll be left with nothing but scars when it’s over.

6. You’ll Never Get Closure

Every time you get back together, it’s like reopening an old wound. You never really close the chapter. You’re stuck in an endless loop, hoping that this time, it’ll stick. Spoiler alert: it won’t. You’re not solving anything, you’re just postponing the inevitable. At some point, you have to break the cycle and let it end, or you’ll be stuck in the same emotional prison forever.

You Deserve a Love That’s Easy, Not Exhausting

You don’t have to settle for a relationship that drains you, confuses you, or keeps you stuck in limbo. You get to choose how you spend your time, who you invest your energy in, and what kind of emotional life you want to lead. There are people out there who will make you feel secure, valued, and respected, without the constant chaos.

And guess what? There’s a version of you waiting to emerge once you let go of the drama: someone who is stronger, more confident, and ready to experience love in a way that’s fulfilling and peaceful.

It’s time to stop clinging to the past and start embracing the future. You’re not just getting over someone, you’re making room for the life and love you really deserve. And trust me, that’s always worth the wait.