Being single in your thirties, childless and without a partner, can sometimes feel like you’re doing something wrong. People are constantly questioning your choices, and the societal pressure to settle down can be overwhelming. Just today, I overheard a conversation in my building.

I was in the elevator, after dropping off some dry cleaning, when I overheard a new neighbor talking on the phone. She was explaining that she didn’t want to move back in with her family. Instead, she received an offer from a guy she didn’t seem to actually like. He had offered her a place to stay. And she took it.

This got me thinking. Why are so many so quick to settle for a solution that isn’t even right? Is being alone that bad?

A Relationship Shouldn’t Be a Solution to Loneliness

First of all, a man is not a plan and by “man,” I mean anyone. This goes for all relationships, no matter what gender we’re talking about. If you’re choosing to be with someone because it’s easier than being alone, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Feeling pressure from society can also lead to failure. Relationships are huge life-altering decisions, and the wrong one can completely derail your life. We all know someone who has stayed in a toxic relationship for the wrong reasons, whether it’s fear of being single, financial dependency, or social pressure to “settle down.” And they don’t usually age well. They’re worn down, stressed and have the saddest eyes.

Why Having Kids Isn’t the Answer to Your Life’s Questions

The pressure to have children is real, too. Society loves to ask, “When are you having kids?” as if procreation is the ultimate marker of success. But kids change everything. They impact your time, finances, and personal freedom. While children can bring joy and fulfillment, they also come with challenges you can’t ever fully prepare for. Having kids should be a conscious choice, not just something you do because everyone else is doing it.

Once kids enter the picture, a lot of people feel stuck, or at least they say they are. You hear it all the time. “I’d leave, but we have kids.” And while that might sound noble on the surface, it often turns into quiet resentment that seeps into everything. Staying in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship “for the kids” does not protect them the way people think it does. Kids are observant. They absorb tension, disconnection, bitterness, and emotional shutdown long before they understand the words for it. What gets framed as sacrifice is often just fear, and the cost ends up being generational trauma. Choosing not to leave a situation that drains you does not stop trauma. It just teaches the next generation what to tolerate.

The Real Problem is Settling Just to Avoid Being Alone

Let’s circle back to the conversation I overheard in the elevator. This woman was moving in with someone she didn’t even like. To her, it was easier than dealing with the reality of her situation. She was actively doing it in real time. It made me think – This is exactly why so many people settle for relationships that don’t genuinely provide deeper fulfillment.

If you’re relying on someone else for your living situation or financial stability, you’re giving them more power than you realize. When you depend on someone else to take care of you, you’re giving them control over your life. It’s not empowering. It’s risky. You deserve better than that.

Why Being Single and Childless in Your Thirties Is Not a Crisis

Being single and childless is not a crisis, it’s a choice. I’m in my thirties, and guess what? I’m loving my life. I’m at peace with myself, with my faith, and with where I am. I have the time and space to focus on what matters to me. There’s no shame in being single and content. In fact, being at peace with yourself is one of the most empowering things you can do. When you’re secure in who you are, you’re able to make better decisions in life, including relationships.

I’m not tying the knot or shacking up with the first partner I come across, just because it’s what society expects. I’m not looking to check off the “marriage” box because my family or friends think I should. I’m waiting for someone who actually aligns with my vibes, values and lifestyle. And if that time comes, I’ll know it’s because I genuinely want it – not because I’ve been pressured into it.

Living Authentically While Being Single

This is exactly why I’m genuinely stoked about being okay with my relationship status. At least when I go to bed at night, I know I’m living authentically. I’m not with someone just to avoid what others might think of me. I don’t have to feel guilty about wasting someone’s time. When I do decide to date or get married, it’ll be because I actually want to. It won’t be because I’ve caved to societal standards, or wanted someone to financially carry me.

And make no mistake, you shouldn’t date a loser. You need someone on your level. They should bring value to your life. They should support your growth. They should meet you where you are. But also, let’s not get too superficial. A relationship isn’t just about looks or financial status. It’s about compatibility, mutual respect, and shared values. If you’re choosing someone based on anything less than that, you’re missing the point. And just as looks aren’t forever, neither is money.

Don’t Let Society Rush You Into Anything

Whether it’s about staying single or choosing when to date, it’s your life. You don’t have to follow a set timeline to prove you’ve got it together. Choose to live authentically, and trust that you’re on the right path.

You’re not missing out just because you’re not married or don’t have kids yet. You’re not “failing” because you’re not following the same script as everyone else. Your path is yours to choose, and there’s a lot of power in that.