If you’ve been around here for a minute, you already know something funny about my little corner of the internet.

My dating blog posts? They’re the ones that pop off.

Out of all the things I write about, it’s the raw, honest, sometimes messy relationship content that performs the best. And honestly, I’m grateful. Not because of clicks. But because it tells me we’re all in this together. We’re all just out here trying to figure out love. We’re trying to understand partnership, compatibility, and heartbreak. We’re also focused on healing and discovering what we actually want in a world full of outside noise.

I write lived experience. I share my real dating stories. I reveal the cringe moments. I mention the red flags I ignored. I discuss the lessons I learned the hard way. I drop little nuggets of what I hope comes off as wisdom, even if it was earned through chaos.

So today I want to talk about something that sounds small but is actually a big deal in relationships.

Activities.

Yeah. Activities in a relationship.

It sounds basic.

The Relationship Red Flag I Didn’t See

In one of my past relationships, we had things in common. Kind of.

We liked hockey games.
We liked going out.
We liked drinking based activities.

And that was… pretty much it.

At the time, I didn’t clock it as a problem. We were having fun. We were social. In the moment. We were out and about. It felt like chemistry.

The uncomfortable truth? I gained like 40 pounds in that relationship where 90% of the time we were just binge drinking. Talk about yikes on bikes.

Now, this isn’t and wasn’t just about weight. It was a symptom. We were constantly eating out, drinking, sitting at games, recovering from nights out, then doing it again. There was no balance. No hiking. No long walks. No shared goals or true, tangible interests. No creative projects. No growth oriented habits.

Just vibes and vodka.

When you’re in the thick of a not great relationship, it’s easy to get lost in the sauce. You normalize it. You call it fun. You call it connection. You call it love.

But looking back, I realized something big.

We didn’t even have a baseline of talking points.

Shared Interests in Dating Actually Matter

When you’re dating, chemistry is easy to prioritize. Attraction. Flirting. Physical connection. Shared humor. That spark.

But what about shared interests in a relationship?

What do you talk about when you’re not drinking?
What do you do when there’s no event to attend?
Can you just exist together?

If I don’t have a baseline of conversation with my partner now, that’s a red flag. If we can’t talk about books, goals, family dynamics, wellness, travel, random life observations, then what are we even doing besides wasting time?

Surface level connection always fades.

Real compatibility is built in the quiet.

Alcohol and Relationships: Are You Actually Compatible?

No shame to anyone who enjoys going out. I still love a rare fun night. But I had to ask myself a hard question.

Do you even know the person that well if they’re always drunk?
Or if you’re always drunk together?

Alcohol blurs incompatibility. It makes mediocre chemistry feel electric. It makes shallow conversations feel deep. It makes boredom feel exciting.

But take the drinks away.

Now what?

If we can’t travel without it revolving around bars, if we can’t have fun without a buzz, if we can’t connect on a Sunday morning walk on a local trail, it’s not the relationship for me.

That’s just my truth.

Free Date Ideas That Actually Build Connection

One thing I’ve learned is that healthy relationships are built in the ordinary.

• Walking local trails
• Going to the gym together
• Cooking dinner at home
• Trying a new hobby
• Exploring a nearby town
• Planning future goals
• Sitting on the couch and actually talking

You don’t need expensive date nights to build intimacy. Sometimes the free activities in a relationship are the ones that reveal the most.

When you strip away noise, spending, and substances, you get the best kind of clarity.

And that kind of clarity is powerful.

Getting Lost in the Sauce

I stayed longer than I should have in that relationship because it felt good in the moment. It felt fun. It felt social.

But fun is not the same as aligned.

If your entire relationship identity is built around events, alcohol, or distraction, that’s worth examining. It doesn’t make you bad. It doesn’t make them bad.

It just might mean you’re not actually compatible.

For me now, if we can’t:

• Have deep conversations without external stimulation
• Do healthy activities together
• Travel without it being party focused
• Enjoy each other sober
• Share at least a few core interests

Then it’s a no.

Not in a mean, holier than thou way. Just in a self aware, I’ve been here before kind of way.

Dating With Intention Hits Different

One of the biggest dating lessons I’ve learned is how to pay attention to what your relationship is built on.

Is it built on shared values?
Is it built on personal growth?
Is it built on respect and curiosity?
Or is it built on distraction?

We all deserve a partner who we can do life with, not just Friday night with.

And I say this with warmth, not judgment. Because I’ve been there. I’ve ignored the red flags.

The reason my dating blog posts often resonate is because they’re real. They’re not the most aesthetic, but they are honest. Honest lessons from someone who is actively trying to date better, love smarter, and choose more intentionally.

We’re all figuring this out as we go, bestie.

But if you take anything from this post, let it be this:

Make sure you actually like the person you’re dating. Not just the activities. Not just the buzz. Not just the aesthetic.

The person.

Because when the games end, the drinks wear off, and real life shows up, that’s what and who is left.

And that’s the part that has to work.