If someone tells you, “I don’t deserve you,” you should believe them. That line isn’t deep. It isn’t sweet. It’s not even some poetic moment of vulnerability. It’s a signal. And most of the time, it means one thing: run.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been seeing each other for five weeks or five years. When someone says this to you, they’re not lifting you up. They’re pulling you into their emotional mess, and expecting you to carry it.

Stop Mistaking This for a Compliment

Here’s the problem. Somewhere along the way, this line got romanticized. Like it’s noble for someone to admit they don’t measure up.

When someone says they don’t deserve you, what they’re actually doing is offloading responsibility. They’re handing you their insecurity and hoping you’ll soothe it.

The first time I heard that line, I brushed it off. I thought he was being honest. Vulnerable, even. But over time, it became a pattern. Every time I hit a career win, stood up for myself, or simply had a good day, he’d sulk. Cue the same old line: “I don’t deserve you.”

It wasn’t endearing. It was manipulative. It made me question my standards and oddly enough, my confidence. And worse, it became his go-to way of dodging accountability. Instead of growing, he retreated, and expected me to stay anyway.

It’s Not Your Job to Make Them Feel Worthy

When someone tells you they don’t deserve you, believe them. You are not their therapist. You are not a self-help book. And it’s not your job to make someone feel like “enough” if they haven’t done the work themselves.

Being in a healthy relationship means meeting each other with equal energy. Equal effort. Equal self-respect. You should not have to dim your light to keep someone from feeling insecure in your presence.

What They’re Really Saying

When someone says they don’t deserve you, they’re saying they’re not ready for the kind of relationship you want. And instead of saying, “I have work to do on myself,” they put it on you. Subtly. Quietly. Sometimes even with a sad smile that makes you feel bad for shining.

But let’s be clear: it’s not humility. It’s not love. It’s avoidance.

Bottom Line

If someone tells you they don’t deserve you, don’t argue. Don’t convince. Don’t wait for them to change.

Just take the clarity and walk. You deserve someone who doesn’t flinch at your glow. Someone who feels lucky to be with you and shows it through action, not self-pity.

Believe people the first time they show you who they are. And don’t settle for someone who already told you they can’t meet you where you are.