Mega Spoiler alert: If you haven’t seen The Materialists yet, stop reading this and go watch it. This movie will shift your perspective on relationships and reaffirm why dating someone “for potential” is a trap.

In The Materialists, Dakota Johnson plays Lucy, a high-end matchmaker torn between Harry (Pedro Pascal), a successful, charming guy who seems perfect on paper, and John (Chris Evans), her ex who’s still struggling to find his footing. Lucy ultimately chooses John, but here’s the thing: this decision isn’t about practicality, it’s driven by emotions. And while we all love a good underdog story, let’s be honest: this kind of choice is a massive red flag.

In Your 30s, You Need Someone Who’s Got Their Shit Together

By the time you hit your thirties, the whole “figuring it out” stage is over. You’ve worked hard to build a solid career, a supportive friend group, and a life that’s finally starting to feel like it’s coming together. Dating someone who’s still trying to find themselves or isn’t sure where they want to be in life is a huge risk. You need someone who’s already secure in who they are, both emotionally and financially.

Financial stability? It’s a must. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it definitely makes life easier. No one should have to live in a constant state of financial stress. The Materialists serves as a wake-up call that while attraction and chemistry are important, they can’t be the foundation of a lasting partnership. You need someone who can share the load. This means emotionally, mentally, and yes, financially.

The Emotional Drain of Being the Sole Breadwinner

Dating someone who’s struggling across multiple areas is emotionally and mentally exhausting. In The Materialists, Lucy becomes both the emotional and financial anchor for John, and let’s face it, that’s unsustainable AF. If you’re always the one making the money, planning for the future, and keeping the emotional balance in check, you’re living in constant fight or flight. It’s draining, and over time, it leads to resentment.

When you’re seriously considering a partner to build a future with, you need someone who contributes. Someone who can meet you halfway…not someone you’re constantly dragging along.

Caring About Financial Stability Doesn’t Make You A Gold Digger

Before you start thinking I’m suggesting you should only date for money, that’s not it. But financial stability matters, especially as you get older.

Sure, we all know that money doesn’t buy happiness, but the stress of constantly struggling is draining for anyone. No one enjoys being in a relationship where they’re always concerned about the future or about their partner’s financial instability. If you’re considering having kids or planning for the long-term, you need someone who can pull their weight. Financial stability isn’t about luxury; it’s about making life easier and reducing unnecessary stress.

The Materialists Isn’t Your Average Love Story

It’s frustrating that some people are calling The Materialists an “old-school romcom.” Because, honestly, it’s anything but. The Materialists is a realistic, sometimes depressing look at the consequences of choosing familiarity. There’s chemistry, sure, but that’s not enough to build a healthy or lasting partnership.

Lucy’s choice to go back to John might feel temporarily satisfying, but it’s far from practical. In reality, choosing someone who’s not ready for commitment or who’s financially unstable puts your own future in jeopardy. If you’re serious about settling down and building a family, you need someone who’s already stable in every sense.

Tips for Dating in Your 30s: Don’t Settle for Potential

If you’re ready to optimize your dating life, here are a few tips to avoid falling into the “potential” trap:

1. Know Your Dealbreakers
   Get clear on what you absolutely need in a partner (financial stability, emotional maturity, life goals). Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t meet those basic criteria. The list doesn’t have to be long, but it needs to be non-negotiable.
2. Don’t Ignore Red Flags
   If you’re noticing patterns of inconsistency, whether it’s emotionally or financially, it’s time to step back. Inconsistency is a huge red flag that could save you heartache down the road.
3. Stop Playing “Fixer Upper”
   A relationship isn’t a DIY project. This isn’t Home Depot. You can’t fix someone, no matter how much you care. If someone’s life isn’t in a place where they can offer you the same stability you provide them, it’s time to let them go.
4. Trust Your Gut
   Sometimes, you know deep down that something isn’t working. Trust that intuition. Your gut will often tell you more than the surface-level chemistry.
5. Don’t Date Out of Loneliness or Pressure
   Just because your friends are pairing off or your family is asking when you’ll settle down doesn’t mean you need to rush. Build your life with someone who enhances it, not someone who’s just filling a space.
6. Look for Someone Who’s Already On Your Level
   You’ve built your life and you deserve someone who is at a similar place. Whether it’s their career, emotional intelligence, or financial independence, don’t waste time dating someone who’s still figuring it all out.

You Deserve Someone Who’s Already Ready for You

You’ve put in the work to become emotionally mature, financially stable, and independent. You shouldn’t have to be the one always carrying the load, waiting for someone to “get their act together.”

The Materialists may be a romantic drama, but it’s also a harsh reminder that dating for “potential” can lead to heartbreak and disappointment. Chemistry is important, but it can’t be the only foundation of a relationship. You need someone who is already at a place in life where they can contribute and grow alongside you—not someone you’re pulling along.