Mega spoiler alert: If you haven’t seen The Materialists yet, stop reading this and go watch it first.
I haven’t changed my mind about dating for potential. As I get closer to my mid-thirties, I know myself well enough to know that it’s not something I want to do again. I don’t want to spend years waiting for someone to become financially stable, emotionally available, settled in their career, or ready for the kind of life I want.
But watching The Materialists made me realize that just because I don’t want that for myself doesn’t mean I have to think Lucy was wrong for choosing John.
And honestly, I think that’s what makes the ending more interesting than the usual “choose the nice guy with money” versus “follow your heart” debate.
Harry’s successful, established, and financially secure. John is Lucy’s ex, and he’s struggling to find his footing. If we’re judging the two of them by the usual checklist of what makes someone a good long-term partner, Harry seems like the obvious choice.
I understand that choice. I might even make it myself.
Financial Stability Matters, But It Doesn’t Look the Same for Everyone
Financial stability matters to me. I don’t think caring about money makes someone shallow, especially when you’re thinking about marriage, children, and building a life together.
I grew up watching my mom stay home with my siblings and I while my dad worked, and that shaped how I think about partnership too. My mom wasn’t earning an income, but she was raising us, managing our home, and being deeply involved in our lives. That was the arrangement that worked for my parents.
If I ever have children, I could see myself wanting something similar. So when I talk about wanting financial stability, I don’t mean both people need identical salaries. I mean I want a partnership where both people are contributing to the life they’ve chosen together.
That’s also why I’m not interested in romanticizing struggle love. There’s a difference between going through a difficult season with someone and spending years carrying someone because you’re convinced that someday they’ll become the person you need.
I don’t want the latter for myself.
But John isn’t necessarily someone Lucy’s choosing because of his potential.
She knows him.
She knows their history, their relationship, why they broke up, and what it feels like to be with him. Maybe they’ve changed since they separated. Maybe they understand each other better now. Maybe they’ll make it work. Maybe they won’t.
I don’t know.
And I don’t really have to.
I’m not dating them.
Lucy is.
That’s what I think I missed when I first looked at their relationship. I was evaluating John based on whether I’d want to build a life with him. But Lucy isn’t me. She has a connection with him that I don’t have, and she clearly believes that connection is worth another chance.
Harry can be the better choice on paper and still not be Lucy’s choice.
And honestly, good for her.
I still don’t want to date potential. At this point in my life, I want to meet someone who’s already capable of building the kind of partnership I want, even if neither of us has every single part of our life figured out.
But if someone else is willing to take that risk, I can’t really argue with them. Maybe their relationship will work. Maybe it won’t. That’s the gamble they’re choosing to take.
Maybe that’s what I ultimately liked about the ending of The Materialists. It doesn’t require me to believe that John is the right choice.
It just asks me to understand why Lucy chose him.
They love each other. They understand each other. And sometimes that’s enough to make someone take a chance, even when the practical part of their brain is telling them not to.
I still wouldn’t do it.
But I understand why she did.
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