Okay, so I had to phone a friend. And not just any friend, but one who happens to also be a therapist, because, well, when you find yourself in the middle of this kind of absolute madness, you need a professional to help you dissect what’s going on in your brain. And honestly, what the hell is going on in his.

Let me backtrack a bit.

There’s this guy. He was a total babe back in my twenties. He was fun, spontaneous, and full of charm. We had something special, but life happened (as it tends to), and we both moved on in different directions. Fast-forward to now, and this guy has a whole damn family. Kids, wife, house in the suburbs…you get the picture. And yet, here he is, circling the block a decade later, trying to rekindle the “whatever we had”.

I think I just puked.

Let’s be clear: cheating is gross on all ends. I’m a girl’s girl. You will never, ever find me in a position where I’m the side chick, the “other woman,” or the whatever-you-want-to-call-it. That’s a hard pass.

But it still made me ask the million-dollar question: Why the hell would he even think this was a good idea? Like, what makes him think that after 10 years of not being in my life, with him having a whole family (which, surprise, surprise, he still denies), I’m just gonna pick up the phone and go along with this insanity?

So, I called my therapist friend. I needed some serious clarity, because let’s face it, this was kind of weird and I was confused why it was happening. And thankfully, my therapist friend has a way of cutting through the confusion and getting straight to the heart of things.

Why Guy’s Circle Back — Even When It Makes ZERO Sense:

1. His Brain’s Still Stuck in His 20s —and Yours Isn’t

Here’s the thing: when guys from your past pop back up, it’s like they still have you in this nostalgic bubble. The fun, wild, carefree girl they remember. The one who was up for anything, who didn’t care about the 10,000 red flags they were waving around. They think, “Oh, she’s still that same girl.” They have this weird, out-of-touch idea that you’re just gonna pick up where you left off. But you’ve grown, and that version of you no longer exists.

Meanwhile, this dude is circling back, hoping to reignite some spark that’s long been extinguished. He’s aging, balding, and probably questioning his life choices in the mirror, but he can’t let go of the idea of who you were. Talk about audacity.

2. He’s Projecting His Own Unresolved Issues

Okay, let’s talk about what’s going on in his head. (Spoiler alert: it’s a mess.) This guy (and others like him) is obviously in deep denial. He’s built a life with all the suburban trappings. But deep down, there’s a part of him that hasn’t really grown up emotionally. He’s stuck in this situation, weighed down by obligations, but still trying to relive some fantasy of freedom he had back in his 20s.

The worst part? He’s projecting those unresolved issues onto you. He’s stuck in this mid-life crisis, and you’re just the girl from the past that’s still floating around in his head as an easy escape. A symbol of what could have been if he hadn’t settled down or if he hadn’t made all those compromises. His brain just can’t let go of the past, and here you are, still playing that role he’s attached to. You’re a living, breathing ghost of his own failure to evolve.

3. He’s Looking for Validation in the Worst Way Possible

BFFR: a dude like this isn’t trying to come back into your life because he’s evolved or matured. He’s looking for validation. He wants to feel attractive again. He wants to feel like he still has it. But rather than taking responsibility for his choices, he’s out here trying to relive his glory days with someone who’s, frankly, moved on.

I don’t know what’s worse—his delusional behavior in thinking you’d be into this or the fact that he truly believes that after all this time, you’re sitting around waiting for him. It’s like they think they can just come in with some “Hey, how you been?” message, and you’ll suddenly forget the reality of the situation.

Spoiler alert: You won’t.

4. They Think They Can Have Their Cake and Eat It Too

Ah, the fantasy of it all. These guys have everything they should want — a wife, kids, stability — but there’s still a part of them that feels like they missed out on something. Maybe it’s freedom, maybe it’s adventure, or maybe it’s just the idea that there’s something more exciting waiting for them on the other side.

But here’s the catch: that excitement doesn’t come from you. It comes from a deep sense of dissatisfaction with their own choices, their own life. They want to see if they can prove to themselves that they could still get you, even though they’re already tied down. It’s a mental exercise in trying to prove they haven’t lost their edge. And guess what? It’s not your job to be their emotional Band-Aid, or help them through this disrespectful midlife crisis.

5. The Most Important Rule: Never, Ever Compromise Your Integrity

I’m a girl’s girl, through and through. There’s no way I’m getting involved with someone who’s married with kids — denial or not. If they’re willing to cheat, they’re willing to lie. If they’re willing to sneak around, they’re not worth your time, no matter how good the memories or the chemistry was in the past.

You deserve someone who’s available, emotionally mature, and most importantly, not stuck in the past. You’re not someone’s escape hatch for a mid-life crisis. Don’t sell yourself short, and don’t waste your energy on someone who hasn’t even figured out their own life.

You’re Not His Escape

It’s clear that some people are still searching for something — an answer, an escape, or perhaps a second chance. But that’s not something I’m here to provide. If you’ve built a family and a life, it’s time to be fully there, not halfway in and halfway out.

At the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone your time or emotional energy, especially when they’re not fully available. Whether it’s someone from the past or someone you just met, if they aren’t willing to show up for you in the present, it’s time to walk away. You deserve someone who’s ready for what you’re ready for — no games, no nostalgia. Always prioritize your peace and move on from anything that doesn’t serve your growth.

I’m not wasting time rehashing what never was, and neither should you.