If you’re anything like me, you love a good rom-com. In fact, He’s Just Not That Into You remains one of my faves.
Thinking of that film, in particular, there’s a scene where a boy pushes a girl down on the playground. Naturally, she cries to her mom, who provides some toxic reassurance:
“Do you know why that little boy did those things and said those things? It’s because he likes you!”
And there lies our problem, ladies and gents. Although this is a film meant to make you laugh, that’s a philosophy far too many subscribe to.
Because I didn’t want the blind leading the blind, I decided to bring in an expert, Double Board Certified Psychiatrist Elizabeth.
We even sat down together on the pod to chat about healthy relationships and I wanted to share some of those insights with y’all.
Kicking things off, we wanted to explain narcissism. And while this is a subject you’ve probably heard about on tv, TikTok, or even from your girlfriends — there can be some confusion. So let’s break it down:
You can have narcissistic traits without being a narcissist. These are people that don’t fit the full spectrum of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. On the flip side, you can also just be an entire narcissist.
Chances are if you have to ask if you are one…you’re probably not. The key trait to a narcissist is that they lack that level of insight and self-awareness.
But could you be dating one…?
Narcs tend to feel like they’re the center of the world. They will do nearly anything to satisfy their personal needs and interests. Some can be very extreme about it in their relationships while others are a little more covert in their manipulation tactics. It’s quite frankly, next to impossible to have a relationship with one, as it involves a deep level of commitment to therapy. And when you think you’re perfect, why would you go to therapy? For this reason, it’s best to avoid these sorts of folks.
In terms of manipulation, there’s no bigger tool than gaslighting. This is when someone tries to rewrite the truth. At some point we have all witnessed gaslighting, whether it be from our politicians, bosses in the office, or even the partners we have dated. Most times we shrug it off, but what do you do when it’s more frequent?
Over time, too much gaslighting can cause a significant amount of self-doubt. So when someone has you doubting your perception of reality, it’s time to dip. Because you should always trust yourself.
Now let’s end this blog with a fast guide to empowerment.
Red Flags to Look Out For:
- Disrespect of boundaries and personal space
- Racing into a relationship
- Future faking
- Score keeping
- Beware of someone who says things like “Remember when I did this for you?”
- Intermittent ghosting
- They try to control you
- Love bombing
- Always talking about their ex, and I mean always
- There’s no trust
- Sex is no longer a fun mutual activity but a tool for manipulation
- “Do this and we can have sex tonight”
- You have to spend every moment together
- They’re rude to service staff
So there you have it. Remember: you are amazing and deserve the best. You hear it a lot, but do you believe it? I hope you do. So stop painting those red flags white, because ignoring them will only end in agony, and you don’t deserve that, bestie.