From Sad B to Bad B

This new year I want you to set one daily goal that you work on: loving yourself.

That’s right. Today we are talking about Self-love

But what is it really?

I mean, chances are if you were to hop on TikTok and search that phrase, you would see the same cliche things: a random coastal trip, excessive shopping, or getting a fancy latte. And while all of those things can contribute to self-love, that’s not all it is. 

So hear me now: whether you are a self-love veteran needing a refresher, or just embarking on your journey, know that it is not what is sold to us in popular culture.

Amidst the stream of messages saying “love yourself more” or “fake it till you make it,” know that it is normal to struggle, and not get to peak self-love overnight. 

Self-love starts with healing. It starts with looking deeper within yourself to see where your life can use improving, and why you may or may not be happy.

When people talk about being healthy, they think physically. But what about the mental aspect? When you are not healthy mentally, the rest of your health suffers. You lack energy, you’re grumpy, and you just exist.

But when you have that sit down with yourself and unpack – wow.

For me, I knew my self-love needed work when I saw that I addressed my feelings through unhealthy coping mechanisms which included binge drinking and excessive shopping.

And while yours truly still loves the occasional cocktail or trip to Nordy’s, I have curtailed former ways of using it as a sole way to feel good

One of the first steps to healing and loving yourself more is forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself for who you were when you felt you had to survive. Forgive yourself for the choices you made when you were still learning and growing. Forgive yourself for how you acted when you did not know better. 

A second imperative trick I noticed along the path to self-love, was paying attention. When I stopped being so “go, go, go,” I noticed what I enjoyed. This also meant I took stock of what I did not find so enjoyable. I began to say “no,” more often and raised my boundaries. I knew in the movie of my life, not everyone deserved admission.

Be picky.

Carefully choose who you allow in your life, because not everyone wants to see you thrive and grow, and that can hinder your ability to love yourself.

If I had to summarize why you need to work on yourself, it would be because it makes life worth living. Know that every day won’t be easy, but the best things never are. Good things take work, and the road to self-love is all about progress, not perfection. 

The most imperative relationship you will have in this life (besides the one you have with God,) is the one you have with yourself. 

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